I've been awake since 2:45 a.m., tossing and turning. Finally, I gave in and got up. I can't sleep and have had several nights like this for the past week or so. I've counted so many sheep I need a new calculator. Even the dog won't get up with me anymore. Several friends are experiencing the same thing: Maybe I'm just a sympathetic insomniac. Or maybe it's the change in seasons. Maybe it's my age -- I think I'm going to deny this one, as I have a birthday next week and it's a big one. Maybe I've got too much on my mind. Maybe I need to get more exercise. Maybe I need to chill (OK, I know this one is a definite.) Maybe I just need a cup of tea and a crossword puzzle.

I hate when I can't sleep because I don't get enough of it as it is. I look up at the ceiling, which I assume is there but can't see because it's way too dark, and listen to the cicadas, or at least I think that's what I'm hearing, and the volume keeps rising, rising, rising until I tell myself I need ear plugs covered with ear muffs topped with a pillow and comforter. But that would be really annoying, and then it would be impossible to get comfortable. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about all that I need to do, but can't do until the rest of the world is up. Then I fret about whether I'll fall back to sleep just before the alarm goes off and that I won't hear it when it does. And that I'm going to be so exhausted for work tomorrow (really, today) that I'll be good to no one. (Would anyone notice if I napped under my desk around, say, 3 p.m.???)

If anyone has a remedy, please share. Oh, the tea kettle is whistling. Wish me luck! I know I'll need it.

Another new recipie success at our house--personal pizzas.  We found the recipie in the "Better Homes and Gardens New Junior Cookbook."  (A side note:  "New" in the title is relative--the book was published in 1979, and I remember my sister having her own copy when we were kids.)  Still, the recipies are simple enough for most kids to handle by themselves, with help from an adult when needed for the oven or stove, and all the foods are very kid friendly.

The recipies takes refrigerated biscuits and makes them the pizza dough.  You just flatten them out with your rolling pin, using flour as necessary to prevent them sticking to the rolling pin or your countertop.  We then topped each pizza with sauce, cheese and the toppings we liked, and baked.  Even K got to help with this one--she loves putting on the cheese!  These would be great for a kid's party or sleepover.

In additional foodie news, we picked the first green beans from our garden.  J commented with wonder, "They're so much better when they're fresh!"  Even K, who is not big on green veggies yet, ate a bean without complaint.  I was worried about the time commitment when we put in this garden, but the maintenance has not been as much work as I anticipated.  I picked another batch of beans today, and my husband picked 2 cucumbers and a green pepper.  The only downside has been the groundhog who thinks we opened a salad bar for his own dining pleasure.  He ate every bit of lettuce that grew, to my great disappointment.  We've chased him out numerous times (I won't go into how--some animal lovers might not be pleased), but he keeps returning.  We don't want to use any chemicals on the plants since we're eating the food.  Any suggestions from some experienced gardeners out there? 

Next week I'll try to focus more on activites for the little one, since J will be away at camp for the week.  Stay cool!

June 10 marked our last day of rushed mornings and evening homework -- at least until August. When I picked up my daughter, I couldn't help but smile as I saw her rush through the school doors and step into the sun. She was happy, and it showed. The kids could wear flip-flops for these final few hours ending at 11:30. That -- the footwear and the shortened school time -- got rave reviews! Her report card was stellar. And there was time for pictures and hugs with this year's beloved teacher.

My daughter was also thrilled at spending time with classmates and her new teacher in what we'll be next year's classroom. The one that will be her headquarters for sixth grade and the final year of elementary school. Many students don't know who next year's teacher will be until the new year is about to start. We like the way our school does it. A lot. It gives students an opportunity to meet their new teacher and get a feel for their surroundings-to-be. (Thanks Penn Manor!) It's the perfect way to tie up a great year, and prepare for what's to come. But first, we'll enjoy our summer!

There's a load of clean laundry in my dryer. It's been there a couple of days. The reason? Contour sheets. Next to ironing, I hate folding these sheets more than any other domestic task. And no matter how much time I devote to it, the sheets look the same when I push -- AND I MEAN PUSH -- them into the linen closet shelf as they do when I pull them from the dryer. Argh! Is it just me? Is there some secret to neatly folding contour sheets that someone can divulge?

Well, not too often am I rendered silent.

You know it is hard for me to write when I am down, and these have been some difficult weeks.

I was so thankful to be able to contribute to the Breast Cancer Awareness efforts of Lancmoms.com. It got tough toward the end of the month, especially combined with the reconstructive procedure unexpectedly wedged into October. I have been struggling with splitting headaches--a leftover of the radiaiton treatment and I have been falling like a toddler learning to walk--it is crazy. I am gearing up for my first round of tattoos on December 2.

It knocked me back having to take time off from exercising again and dealing with pain and bandages, etc.. Exercise is such an integral part of how I manage my emotions, energy level and endorphins! Mentally and physically it has been a bummer.

But, if I was thinking of keeping to myself, last Tuesday changed all that. I have been fuming over the new guidelines to begin mammograms at 50 and to stop self breast exams. I am in absolute disbelief over this.

I will write more about this later this week, but I used my family connections tonight to make my voice heard. Michael had a meeting scheduled tonight with Francis Collins, decoder of the human genome and newly appointed Director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH). So, I was the greeting committee for Dr. Collins at the restaurant, as Michael met a colleague at Union Station in DC, to walk over to the restaurant.

I wanted just ten minutes with him.

I did give him a chance to sit down and then asked how many times he had been asked to comment about the changed guidelines for mammograms this week. He said about a thousand! I asked what his take was on it. (I am learning some self control!) He said he got wind of it two weeks ago and gave Health and Human Services the heads up that they better be prepared for a firestorm reaction. Wow, was he right.

I will leave you with the most important things that he said tonight and flesh the conversation out later. He said it is obviously not as black and white as the governemnt task force wants it to seem. (Face the Nation featured both sides of the debate this morning.) I said I thought it was ridiculous to add that women should not do self breast exams any longer! CRAZY! He agreed completely.

Michael and his colleague arrived, I left them to their meeting where the conversation continued. With all of the talk last week about "anecdotes don't make good science", Dr. Collins now has the face of a 45 year old mother of three, with no risk factors firmly in his mind. I am not an anecdote, and my survival matters, at least to the people in my little yellow house, but obviously to more people than that, because you are reading this!

He was most shocked at the fact of my "clean" mammogram in February 2008, progressed to cancer completely thorughout the left breast, including a 6 cm mass ten months later. His question was, "Was the cancer there in February 2008and it went undetected?" My question exactly. Dense breast tissue, nondigital mammogram. New calcifications spotted behind the left nipple, but no treatment recommended at this time. REALLY????????????

More later, I am fired up about this--surprise--and I have renewed energy to bring awareness to breast cancer.

Do your self-exam.

Schedule your mammogram.

JUST on the news--National Institutes of Health says to IGNORE the new guidelines!!!!!!!!!! YES!

Not yet out of July, but we're ready for sixth grade. My daughter is one organized kid. That's why she pulled me to Target and Staples last night, July 22, to hit their back-to-school treasures. And let me tell you, the erasers, notebooks, lunchboxes and backpacks are spilling out of the shelves and off the hooks.

Remember last year? she asked. We waited until August and everything was picked over. Big time. Pencil boxes were practically endangered school accessories. 

Well, let me tell you. There's nothing endangered at this point in the summer. So, smack dab between beach week and camp time, we ventured directly into the inventory with a list and a shopping basket, determined that this would be the one and only trip. She decided on the purple, 3-inch binder. Six folders, each with a different geometric, floral or cute-puppy design. (I hope you're reading this Mrs. Braun.) Pencils: check. Scissors: check. Tissues, pens, notebook paper: triple check.

She's already filed everything in the binder, complete with labels. Argh. Now  if only I could get her to clean her room!   

First, I added Tags and Categories to my blog entries, so if you're looking for a specific idea, this should make it easier!

We continue with:  J learning to cook!  We're hoping to make this a weekly event, and we'll report on the recipes and results here.  On tonight's menu:  Chinese Soup, featured in the "Kids Can Cook" book I mentioned last week.  This was basically a chicken corn soup with some asian flare (soy sauce).  We shopped for necessary ingredients this afternoon.  I can't remember a time when this kid was actually excited about going to the supermarket,  until now!  The soup was very easy to prepare.  J did most of the work.  I would step in to help with the chopping--she's still not super confident about handling a knife.  She now understands how onions can make your eyes water too!  She struggled a little with cutting the chicken into small pieces, but happily chopped carrots.  The entire family LOVED this soup!  Even K, who can be ridiculously picky until she actually tries something, liked it right off the bat.  We have leftovers too, so we will continue to enjoy it this week.  The cookbook has to be returned to the library next week, but we're planning to copy down the recipies we liked or still want to try. 

I admit, one thing I'm struggling with is doing more math with J.  She does a great job with fractions when we're cooking something, dividing in her head without struggles.  But on paper--it's another thing altogether.  Today we tried "Stacking Dice Puzzles".  You can find the worksheets at www.education.com/worksheets or through www.math-drills.com.  These were interesting logic puzzles using dice.  It helps if you actually have about 4-5 dice to manipulate to solve the problems.  We did one sheet today and hope to finish the other tomorrow.  J's reaction:  it was okay.  She made some silly mistakes, mostly because she just didn't think logically about what the question was asking.  This tends to be her problem in school as well.  I'm still looking for ways to improve her math without drilling on worksheets, so if anyone has some ideas about this, please share them! 

Lastly, today J and I played flute and clarinet duets (me on flute, her on clarinet).  She's played for 2 years now and catches on quickly.  Still, because both mom and dad are music teachers, she will balk at having to practice over the summer.  We're trying some easy duets, which she played well tonight.  She also got a book of Disney songs and movie themes, so she plays those for fun.   Although I'm "assigning" her duets as I would with my flute students, I really just want her to play because it's fun.  I think it's hard for her because she tends to be too perfectionistic about her playing.  Living with two music teachers probably doesn't help this, I realize.  I keep telling her I don't care about the mistakes and just want to play!  Sometimes that's a hard sell, but I keep trying. 

In all of these learning opportunities, we're still getting out to see family, go swimming, and enjoy the summer and each other.  We hope your family is doing the same.  Until next time!

Summer vacation is officially off and running at our house.  We started by making our weekly pilgrimage to the local public library.  I generally take K every other week during the year.  J has her school library to rely on during the school year, but likes going in the summer and choosing her own books.  One of J's goals this summer:  to learn to cook something besides macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches.  She found a kid's cookbook (Kids Can Cook by Judy Williams, published by Anness Publishing) and happily browsed the recipies.  More on this to follow.

After lunch, we indulged for the first time in a favorite Lancaster County activity:  picking strawberries!  There are lots of places to choose from to pick your own, but get there this week, since berries will be past their prime soon.  We chose Heller's Shady Creek Farm, located on Mt. Joy Road (Rt. 772) in Manheim, just past LCBC.  The lady who greeted us said this was the last week for folks to pick their own berries, but there are still plenty of nice ones left.  The girls and I picked 8 quarts in less than 30 minutes.  They really loved it, even J, who doesn't like to actually eat strawberries.  On the other hand, K could eat her body weight in them.  I haven't picked berries since I was a kid.  We all really enjoyed this, and it was inexpensive entertainment ($2 a quart).  We'll freeze our extras so we can enjoy them longer. 

After browsing the cookbook, I suggested a couple of recipies that J could make this evening for dinner.  She was quite excited about the idea.  She did much of the prep and actual cooking, and did a great job dividing fractions as we "halved" a recipie to cut down on the amount of servings.  She chose to make fried chicken fingers and baked potato wedges.  We did some minor alterations (cooking the potatoes in the microwave instead of the oven for the initial bake) to save time.  We also altered some of the spices to our liking.  She was quite pleased with the results!  K kept thanking her for making dinner, saying, "It's good!"  We're going to try another new recipie from the book next week:  Chinese soup. 

So far, so good.  Yes, they still get on each other's nerves--it can be a big challenge with my two, since they are 6 1/2 years apart in age.  But I'm happy with today and enjoyed just spending time with my girls.  And now, off to clean and freeze more strawberries. . .

I can't believe ... that most of the summer is looking over our shoulders ... that we got the last purple pencil box at Staples ... that after organizing my daughter's fifth-grade closet we agreed, agreed, that she didn't require much to start the year ... that purchases met my "appropriateness'' standards  and her "fashion-trendy'' expectations ... that she told me, at the mall, standing amid racks and stacks of all things new, that there were lots of items she actually didn't need ... that she's carrying an argyle-styled backpack to school (ahh memories) ... that she's so excited to return to the classroom and will do it in her first pair of contacts ... and that while I'm not at all ready for her to begin the first of the last two grades of elementary school, I'm eager to get back into a routine.

So I'm forecasting a smooth landing on the first day of school as we coast along this last week of summer vacation. Keeping the fingers crossed that it stays this way.

Week 31: Breastmilk, Bottles and Breaks  

Walking through the local drug store recently, I sought to look up an old friend of mine ... Lansinoh. That ooey, gooey substance that theoretically spells R-E-L-I-E-F for moms who are breastfeeding their babies. I must have gone through countless tubes of that stuff with our firstborn. I guess it helped; not quite sure. But given the horror stories I had heard from friends about cracking, bleeding, ugh ... the pain that can come with nursing, I figured it was too risky to not use it.  

There are undoubtedly many hazards along the journey into breastfeeding. I know women who would break down in tears when their babies would cry for milk, as it meant more pain or more frustration or more panic. It's hard to prepare for these pitfalls, especially when breastfeeding is promoted as the ideal. A bonding moment between mother and child. As I prepare for our second baby (and my reunion with Lansinoh), I think about how lucky I was that it went relatively smoothly for us the first time around. But that's not to say we didn't have our share of problems.  

My experience with nursing our daughter went so well that she developed quite an attachment to it. I couldn't go anywhere, as she refused a bottle. And after 3 months of colic and 5 months of being glued to her side, I desperately needed a day to myself. But what to do??? We tried every trick in the book to get her to take a bottle ... even resorting to shelling out $17 for a bottle that looked (and felt) like a breast. No dice. Finally, we did what I dreaded most ... I just left for a day.  

Standing outside a movie theatre in Manhattan, I called my  husband for an update on how the bottle was going. The news was poor. 

"What do you mean she only took an ounce?!" I demanded. "She hasn't eaten in four hours."  

"Well, at least it calmed her down a little," my husband replied.  

"Don't you see she's just staving off the hunger until I get back??" I shrieked. "She's playing you!" 

Yes, I really did think that my 5 month-old daughter was purposely plotting how to lure me back home. When I arrived back to our apartment later that afternoon, I cried as I nursed her ... partially out of guilt for putting her through that ordeal and partially out of frustration for being in the situation we were in. It was after that awful day that slowly, very slowly, our daughter made friends with the bottle. And I was able to regain a little bit of sanity, knowing that I could escape for a stretch of time and she wouldn't starve.  

A friend of mine who is quite familiar with those dark days recently forwarded me an article from The Atlantic Monthly. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding It's something I wish I would have read prior to the birth of our firstborn. It's called "The Case Against Breastfeeding," written by a woman who, despite what the title might lead you to believe, is a loyal breastfeeding veteran. In it, she essentially tries to ease the intense social pressure that is thrust upon moms to nurse their babies by revealing that some of the benefits of breastfeeding are inconclusive. She tries to tell nursing moms - or moms who want to nurse, but for any one of many good reasons, can't - to give themselves a break.  

I wish someone would have told me that the first time. I resisted every offer for help - no midnight feedings for my husband, no bottles left for relatives who babysat, no emergency can of formula in the cupboard in case I couldn't produce milk. It was all me, and quite frankly, it was a lot of pressure, and even lonely at times. Had I given myself a break, let people assist me, maybe I would not have been standing on a sidewalk in New York, raving like a lunatic with swollen boobs. It's possible.  

There aren't too many things I would change about how we raised our daughter during the first year of her life. Breastfeeding, however, is one of them. Oh, I'm going to nurse our second child - I love the feeling of having her close to me, and it just feels like what my body should be doing - but I will be more open-minded and flexible about the options I have for feeding her. I will, as the author urged, give myself a break, knowing that there are so many things that lead to happiness and health in a small child.

Dear Gamma 6th grade team teachers and Mrs. S--

Here's what my kids did on their summer vacation:

1.  Picked strawberries

2. Cooked dinners together

3. Learned the age of a fallen tree

4.  Identified bugs in our backyard

5. Learned how to KenKen (math puzzles)

6. Visited the fish at That Fish Place

7. Created pictures with Tangrams

8. Talked to the animals at Lake Tobias

9. Enjoyed produce from our garden

10. Read great books

11. Went Bananagrams

12. Made Origami

13. Visited the hallowed ground at Gettysburg

14. Created art

15. Made our own ball and cup game

16. Completed crossword puzzles

17. Practiced math skills

18. Laughed along with the Popcorn Hat Players

19. Became certified expert pretzel makers at Sturgis Pretzels in Lititz

20. Enjoyed the unique science of the Mythbusters

21.  Smelled the roses at Hershey Gardens

I hope my daughters learned some things this summer.  I know what I learned:  that I was just happy to be doing things with them, and I stopped being so concerned with what they were learning and focused more on the experience we were having TOGETHER.  I've become a believer in providing experiences over providing things for my children.  I hope that's something they will pass on to their own kids someday.  I hope you got to have some fun experiences with your family this summer too. 

Both of my girls are looking forward to their new school experiences this year (6th grade and kindergarten)  I know they are a little bit nervous and excited both.  Know that their dad and I will be standing behind them, supporting them, and cheering them every step of the way.  We hope you enjoy getting to know them. 

Sincerely,

J and K's mom

PS for the readers:  This isn't the end of my blog--I plan to add entries on our families activities and experiences as things come up.  Although I can't promise that the entries will be as frequent, but I hope to keep them up as I'm able.  Coming up in our lives--my husband is running a half and a full marathon in October!  Thanks so much for reading and I hope everyone has a terrific start to school.

Today:  a book review from J.  She just finished "The Red Pyramid" by Rick Riordan (Hyperion).  He also wrote the Percy Jackson books, which she devoured.  I've read the first 2 Percy books myself, which I thought were wicked fun--the most fun I've had reading a book since the Harry Potter series.  "Red Pyramid" took J a while to read--it's a rather long book (she started it toward the end of school).  Here's her review (her words, with my spelling corrections):

"If I were a critic about to rate "The Red Pyramid" by Rick Riordan I would give it 5 stars.  I say this because the book is full of action and suspense, it really painted a picture in my head.  It used great detail.  Rick Riordan did an excellent job by including great artifacts that actually existed in Egyptian times.  Riordan even adds hints of humor.  This book has all the good components of a truly amazing story."

Next, J and I are both going to read "The Giver" by Lois Lowry (Delacorte).  We did a mother/daughter read last summer at my suggestion, and I think she actually enjoyed it.  This time the book was her suggestion.  She has already hinted to me that it's a book that makes you think, and said, "My kind of book!"  Mine too!

I wanted to share some information about my new iphone app.  It’s called Aimee’s Babies Baby Massage and it provides step-by-step video instruction for baby massage. A must-have for all new parents, this app teaches parents how to bond with their baby, relieve colic, calm the baby, relieve gas and bellyaches, and help with baby’s immunity.

I am a pediatric occupational therapist and a certified newborn massage instructor and creator or Aimee’s Babies Baby Massage and Development DVD, the top selling parenting DVD on Amazon.com.  I am so excited to have this app available so that parents and caregivers everywhere can have this valuable information at their fingertips for the benefit of their little babies!

Let me know what you think at www.aimeesbabies.com.

Check it out: http://itunes.apple.com/us

/app/aimees-babies-baby-ma

ssage/id369192466?mt=8

Watching a movie is critical – you enter the moviehouse with soda and popcorn in each hand to find out that the ticket price could not cover the ridiculous introduction starring not-so-popular artists and inane plot from the get-go. After scanning the semi-dark theatre from left to right, there's no one there but you and the usher.

In the world of Hollywood, there are movies that make it to the A list. The glitz and glamour, paparazzi hounding and interviews from late-night show hosts are rewarded to artists who've performed well, and perhaps, Oscar nominations to further expand their smiles up to their ears. Unfortunately, there are movies that make it to the F list; these are rushed products containing cliché, cheesy acting, faulty equipment and lousy production – these movies are honored in RottenTomatoes for their sheer awfulness.

Likewise in research papers, students either get an A or F for their efforts. A professor knows how to give good grades to excellent research papers and humiliating scores who toil with irresponsibility. Similar with watching a movie, the content is criticized after reading the written work for academic purposes – if the beginning excretes nonsense, it is subjected to the disposal bin.

Homework to F- movies are similar in a way that they are:

1.Rushed – Movies like tween flicks are often rushed and are dependent on the looks of its actors and actresses. Containing baby-face expressions and sparkling white teeth, movies like this are filled with intoxicated dialogues aimed to lull oneself into cloud nine.

2.Wordly exasperating – Movies, in its most basic sense, are flooded with dialogues. Nobody can question that however, if too much conversation blocks the whole plot and character growth then, this movie is going down the drain. If a student emulates the same kind of technique of writing hundreds of paragraphs but just going around in circles then, expect the kind of smashmouth reply critics often give F-rated films.

3.Confusing – What happened between character A and character B? Are they related? How do you pronounce the title of the movie? If questions like these float around the viewers' head after finishing the movie then, the script may contain erroneous fragments of confusing sequences. Like movies, the exposition or flow of events must not addle the viewer.

Am I one of the only mortals left who has not yet read even a single sentence from the "Twilight'' saga by Stephenie Meyer? I think I'm going to have to succumb to the hysteria and get a look at what has so many people crazy for these books -- and movies. (And I'm not just talking kids -- I'm talking moms, too. Many of my friends and family have devoured every page.)

"New Moon,'' the second in the vampire saga, debuts in theaters Friday and I must admit all the fuss has me a little more than curious. I loved scary books when I was younger, and remember curling up on the sofa in the den to watch oooooold Bela Lugosi movies late at night. OK, I know "Twilight'' is a far cry from that. My niece, who is in love with Robert Pattinson and has his pictures all over her room, might roll her eyes at me just about now.

Still, I think my daughter, 10, is too young for the books. Does anybody out there have a different opinion? And what about the movies? Something we should be sinking our teeth into? (Sorry, couldn't resist!) Help from moms who know something about this would be as welcome as a sunset to a castle full of vampires. (Sorry, again!) 

In about 24 hours, we will all be packing my car to head towards Philadelphia for The Breast Cancer 3-Day.  Our team of four mamas is so excited even with what looks like will be a soggy weekend.  Twenty miles a day isn't easy, but is doable.  Twenty miles with wet sneakers is a different story.  We're all doing our "anti" rain dance right now!

But even with the forecast, our excitement is building.  We may look like drowned rats or have the sniffles on Monday but we haven't come this far to quit.  Quitting is not an option.  With $10,000 raised and new sneakers and ponchos, we are ready to take on Philadelphia.  More importantly, we are ready to take the steps to end breast cancer.  Our battle won't end with the walk.  It ends when there is a cure.  Whether we walk the 3-Day again or find another event, we will keep fighting.  Shouldn't every woman?

We all know that an event like this one can change our lives. We're not sure how, but know that we will all be better for participating in the 3-Day.    We will be sure to let you all know how the weekend went.  Our next blog will be coming soon...

In two days, it will be seven months since I parted ways with my breasts. "Kirsten, your breasts are not your friends," my breast surgeon diplomatically announced while we were discussing the best plan for eliminating the cancer.  

I may sound a tad flip about this, but it is still doesn't seem real.  I wake up every morning hoping that I have had a horrendous nightmare.  But then I turn on the shower and glimpse my altered state as I pass the mirror.  On my brave mornings I stare directly in the mirror, and on others I nonchalantly gaze out the window and pretend all is normal.  Windows reflect enough to snap me into reality.  

An "American Idol'' family we are not. But when the new season of "Dancing With the Stars'' begins, as it does tonight, count us in. We love it!! I don't know what it is about the show that hits just the right steps for us ... maybe it's the music, the costumes, the glitz, the fact that it's live TV, or the pleasure of watching people move around a dance floor in the tech-obsessed 21st century. Or maybe it's just that it's one show that my daughter and I both enjoy, and can spend time watching together.

We critique along with the judges (often we spend as much time evaluating Len, Bruno and Carrie Ann as the dancers themselves) even though I understand even less about dance than my ballet-student daughter. But we have learned more than we ever thought we'd know about the waltz, the samba and the quick step.

I'm biased this season. I'll be pulling for my favorite "Dancing'' pro, Kym Johnson, who's paired with one of my teen idols, Donny Osmond. (Yeah, go ahead. Try and figure out how old I am. Shouldn't be too tough.) My daughter is taking a wait-and-see attitude, however. She says she wants to assess the talent. I have a meeting tonight -- argh! -- so my daughter's going to fill me in on what I miss. Hope it isn't too much.

See you on the dance floor, or more correctly in our case, on the living room sofa!

Two years ago, when she was 12, my daughter was diagnosed as having ADD-Inattentive Type and Depression.  My first response was, "Not MY child!  I did everything right - read lots of books about pregnancy and parenting.  How could THIS have happened?!"  Truth be told, up until that point - the moment when the phrase "Inattentive Type" came out of the Psychiatrist's mouth - I just really thought it was ME!  "Maybe I'm just not as good a parent as I thought!"

What took us to the doctor in the first place unfolded at my sister's wedding.  I noticed my daughter had cuts on her knuckles.  When I looked closer, I noticed they were letters, one on each knuckle, spelling out a boy's name - the boy who was "breaking her heart" at the time (now referred to as "The Turd").  My daughter had some friends who were "into cutting", and "taught her" how to do it.  After months and months of having her lock herself in her room, barely speaking to anyone in the family, and watching her grades go from A's to C's, this was the event that compelled me to get help.  "This is not something I know how to handle by myself."

I blamed myself for a long time, especially since the times when she cut herself were usually after she and I had had a fight about something - not cleaning her room, not turning in a homework assignment, not giving up on a boy who was bad news.  Once I learned more about the "Inattentive Type" of ADD, Depression, and Cutting, things made a little more sense, but that didn't make life any easier.  Want to know what did?  Medication.

I never wanted to have a child who "had to be medicated."  "I've seen THOSE kids.  MY kid isn't going to be one of THEM."  (Please accept my apology, all you Moms of THOSE WONDERFUL AND MISUNDERSTOOD KIDS!!  I know better NOW!)  The Psychiatrist asked me to trust him, and I thank God every day that I did.  We saw changes in my daughter within a few weeks.  She didn't seem miserable 24/7 (I still wouldn't describe her as "happy all the time," but at least I don't worry she will hurt herself when she's behind her closed door!).  Her friends noticed the difference, too.  And she said she "felt" better.

Eventually, she got rid of "The Turd," started spending more time with her friends, and over the past two years has had increases to her Prozac, Strattera, and Adderall.  Life is alot better than it was, but we have our struggles every day.  It is so hard to tell where the "disorder" ends and "being a teenager" begins. At the end of the last school year, I took my daughter to a "Moms and Daughters Night" at her school.  She immediately left me and went off with her friends, while I attended the "Just for Moms" session.  The Moms in that room joked about things they do with their daughters, how they get them to "open up," how they talk to them about boys, and drugs, and sex.  I couldn't relate to ANY of them.  They don't have the first clue what life is like with a child who has Inattentive Type ADD.  That's what this blog is about.

At work, I'm the one that people seek out when there are problems, and can usually come up with some ways to solve them.  I think I'm an intelligent person (though there are plenty of people who would argue that, I guess).  Raising my teenage daughter without going nuts?  Solving that problem requires simply taking one day at a time!!!  To keep my sanity, or maybe to make YOU feel better about what's going on in YOUR house, I'm going to share here.  "Welcome to the jungle!"

Today is the day: I'm selling my daughter's first bicycle, complete with training wheels and helmet. She outgrew the 16-inch Barbie bike a long time ago, but it's been hard for me to part with yet another tangible reminder of her littler years -- even though she's pedaled far beyond those days. So I've filled out the card that will go on our for-sale sign at work. Gosh, it's hard to let go. If that isn't enough, she informed me yesterday that it's time to clean up the bulletin board in her room. I truly didn't know what she was talking about. But then I went in and took a good long look. It is layered with pre-kindergarten art projects and mementos of toddlerhood, pictures of her when she was a baby. It's all little-kid stuff, she told me in an exasperated tone, "and I'm going into fifth grade.'' Oh how sobering to realize that the board in her room was really more for me than it was for her. So tonight, down comes the baby and up goes the tween. Where is the time going? 

She couldn't wait to make her appearance, and we couldn't wait to welcome her into this world. Having arrived a few days early, our little girl is finally here,  ... healthy, beautiful and filling our hearts with joy. As so many moms and dads can understand, I look at our new child and become overwhelmed. She's so real, but a miracle in every way. And all I can do is think about the many reasons we have to be thankful for this person and the moment she came into our lives. So here I will gush ...  

I'm grateful to my family, who sped to the scene to care for our first child for the duration of the delivery and recovery. How great is it to have a sister who will cheerily show up at 2:00 a.m. to sleep on your couch, a brother-in-law who delivers peanut butter cup blizzards to your bedside, and a mother and father who will spoil your firstborn rotten while Mommy and Daddy are temporarily missing?  

... and, of course, a husband, who grimaced with every contraction and gamely pretends he knows nothing of the embarassing bodily fluids, ridiculous faces and strange sounds I was making for an hour.  

I'm thankful for the numbing sensation that epidurals provide, and to the brave anesthesiologist who conceded to give it to me at 9 centimeters.   

I'm appreciative of the mystical qualities of a jalepeno hot dog, which I ate the day I went into labor and, I'm convinced, is what set everything into motion.  

I am impressed by the quality of health care that is offered here in Lancaster. Everyone we encountered - from doctors to nurses to dining services staff - cared for us with warmth and professionalism.    

I will attempt to appreciate the power of a mirror to motivate a woman in labor to push harder. But in the end, I will still look away.  

I am overwhelmed by the generosity of friends, who are showering us with meals, playdates for our daughter ... even cleaning services (although the neurotic side of me wonders if that's a hint). Maybe it does "take a village."  

And lastly, I will be forever grateful that we were blessed with another child so full of life, even at 4-days-old. It is this feeling of gratitude that makes me eagerly reach out for her every time, even at the ungodly hour of 3:00 a.m. with sore boobs and swollen bottom.    

My blog ends here. Thanks for taking the time to read it over the weeks leading up to our daughter's birth. For those of you who are about to experience what we just have, I wish you happiness and health as your family grows.

I just wanted to introduce myself and what I want to document with my blog.

I have been blogging for more than a year for friends and family to keep up with my growing girls--Katie is nearly 5 and Maggie just turned 1!  My husband and I are transplants to the area...I grew up in Roaring Spring, PA (Between Altoona and Bedford), and my husband is from Greensburg, PA. 

How did we get here?  Well, I did my student teaching at Milton Hershey School in the Fall of 2002--when I graduated I started a job in January teaching Chemistry and Earth Science at Middletown Area High School.  My husband followed me down to the area in May 2003 when we were married and he has been at Lancaster Labs ever since.

I have since become a stay-at-home-mom to our sweet girls and we try to have a great time without a lot of money.  I love finding fun things to do with my girls and I am setting a goal of exploring a differnt place or new activity each week.

With our wonderful weather this week, I think some outside fun is in order!

Angel

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v471/angelhook/3-09020.jpg[/IMG]p.s.  I attached a photo of my girls from April...any guesses of where this was taken???